bittersweet.

it's Sunday and it's almost 5pm. i missed the opportunity to see my friend's Golden Retriever today but had a great morning at church. during worship session this morning, i really could feel something. God's presence, to put it in words. but really, you can't exactly put it in words. it was a sort of overwhelming joy then grief that sweeps me over. 

today Elder Kien Yap talked about not holding back and giving our all in whatever we do, especially in thanksgiving. to not only thank God but also thank the people around us. and i felt like i haven't been doing enough. that stinging pain of feeling undeserving, feeling like i'm never enough, and that i can never excel in God's eyes. i want to believe, i want to sow, i want to stop doubting. i wish i could. i want to revert back to a child, i want to be innocent, i want to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. 

i want to hear Your voice desperately.