thoughts #10: settle down.

i think i talk about home quite a bit.

(side note: New Age Creators is one of my favorite things to watch on Youtube now. setting privilege aside, it's just a channel for a bunch of twenty-somethings talking and filming honestly about how they feel and whatever their lives are. it's one of the least pretentious twenty-something partially-vlog-styled i've come across.)

i once told people that although i have a physical house and i live with my family, i've never had a strong connection to somewhere i call home. unlike Penangites, unlike people who come from abroad, unlike friends who experience homesickness. i find myself to be someone who can quite easily just let go of past ties and move on.

or perhaps i just haven't been far away enough yet. for almost all of my life, i've stayed with my parents, but the times that i don't, i've actually enjoyed those experiences thoroughly. there hasn't been times when i've had severe breakdowns from feeling homesick yet, so i've deduced that either A) i haven't been far away long enough or B) i simply do not relate strongly with a single concept of home.

so... my friend told me that she and our mutual friend both thought that this city would not be a place they would want to settle down in.

'settle down'.

the only time i actually hear those words coming out from the mouth of someone my age is when i listen to Gentle Bones/Joel Tan's song of the same title.

which by the way, is brilliant.

i come from the big city, and i've gotten almost completely used to people coming and going, arriving and departing at this point of my life. it was a little strange when people started leaving this tiny little part of my world when i finished high school and i heard of friends or classmates going abroad to study, but it became my new normal. people come. people go. i get it. i get really good with goodbyes--though awkward, still, but i become almost emotionally detached when people tell me they're leaving. unless of course, they're really close friends.

but otherwise, go. go chase your dreams. go study abroad. go live your life. you deserve it.
(and i mean this in the sincerest of ways!)

i also come from a not-very-Asian Asian family. my parents have always vaguely wanted me to achieve success, earn a stable living, and be able to live a good life someday, but they never told me how to do it. i was privileged in the sense that i was given a lot of freedom in deciding what i wanted to do with my life, so long as i don't end up dirt poor. for example, even though my parents had always told me to do art as a sideline job and not pursue it as my main career, once i managed to prove to them how i was able to earn a living for myself, they were okay with it.

combining two of these elements together, you get someone who's never, in her entire life, thought of settling down, getting married, having children, let alone grandchildren. nope. i think the furthest i've gotten to planning for my future thus far, is wanting a condo unit to myself and having a cat or two with me. although i've always pined for that special guy to walk into my life and sweep me off my feet, i've always found comfort and joy in the alternative as well. being on my own, exploring the great unknown. it sounds like a tremendously exciting adventure to me, honestly.

it just feels a little sad that choosing not to settle down can be seen as something that is frowned upon.

what am i saying, you ask? i'm not quite sure either.
i'm just a kid who don't have all the answers to my questions.
i'm just a 24-year-old, curious.

thoughts #6: music.

music is powerful.

unlike visual art or most other art forms, music is perhaps one of the most generally accepted art forms that it is sometimes forgotten to be a form of art, and is sometimes categorized as its own. music is a whole different world.

music speaks very clearly to people. i myself am the sort of person who finds it a lot easier to cry when there is sad piano music playing in the background. the right types of music sparks your emotions and acts as catalysts to magnify these emotions. it is a book, but better than an audiobook, it is sung to you. music is as old as it gets. maybe not as old as books (or maybe as old as books), but it has been one of the most soul-piercing art forms in most, if not all of history. the lyrics are like poems, recited in a melody that is easily remembered due to the musical quality. the words resonate to our situations in life, to our state of minds and emotions, to our fears, hopes and dreams.

better yet, music is the kind of thing you can revisit and relive the emotions and memories rather accurately. i think the human mind really has a large corner dedicated to storing memories that had to do with music. like the sense of smell, our sense of hearing plays a huge part in recalling memories. i once watched an anime saying that a person can never forget someone else's voice. and honestly, when you close your eyes and imagine a friend calling your name, their faces would instantaneously be visualized in your head. it's natural. our bodies have associated sounds with an immense sense of importance since the beginning of time.

music is one of the most celebrated forms of art in our world today. people of all walks of life understands its vast and various genres. each track tells a story on its own, each with its different symphony and tune. and as you listen to the song that speaks to you, suddenly you don't feel so lonely anymore.

as much as i am passionate about visual art, i still think music is one of the forms of art that speaks to people the easiest and the most. in our modern age, music is a short piece of 5 minutes or less, telling a story in a very little amount of time with many complexities. writing a song is no easy task. like any other art, it takes time and inspiration to produce a great piece. and like any other art, it is a piece of the artist's heart and soul. but more than anything, it combines movement that you cannot see (to play the instruments) and a voice that sings right into your ears.

music is intimate. today i sometimes take music for granted, but once in a while i would imagine the actual person sitting right before me, playing the song and singing for me. that's how music feels like to me. it's personal. it's very intimate. it's close to my heart.

with this, i give you one of my newest favorite covers/songs:

eighteen: inspiration cycle.

This is my story with The Cruisers.

About a month back, when my friend was in Singapore, I had entered Universal Studios Singapore for the first time, and upon entering, one of the first things I saw was this:

50s music sung by a 50s-esque boyband? what's NOT to love? I immediately fell head over heels for these four boys, oblivious to the fact that they rotated performers everyday. I was determined to get a fan art done for them, and i did.

Complete with fake names and fake signatures on the drawing because I didn't know their names AT ALL, with a little hope and a lot of faith, I e-mailed this to the Resort World Sentosa's e-mail, hoping for nothing but for the boys to at least just see my artwork. That was all I was aiming for. (but not God. He was aiming for a LOT more.)

A few days after I had e-mailed the artwork, the first miracle happened: the e-mail was replied. I actually sent it to their inquiries e-mail, so i wasn't even hoping that high, for someone to reply. The lady had said in the e-mail that she will show the artwork to the department which was in charge so it can reach the boys. (this was around the time i found out about the rotating performers, and my heart broke a little honestly)

days passed and nothing.

about a week or two later, another e-mail comes in.

Miracle number two.

Hi Xin Wei,  

First of all, thank you for the artwork that you sent in for our talents the Daddy O’s.
The artwork has been routed to the relevant department to send it to them.  

In order to thank you for your support to Resorts World Sentosa and the Daddy O’s, we would like to invite you for a personal meet and greet session with the Daddy O’s.
During this session you will be able to meet the four of them up close and personal.

My heart skipped a million beats and I thought I was going into a cardiac arrest. It was NOT something I was expecting AT ALL. Okay so I still refuse to call them the Daddy O's because that is SUCH a weird name, but this was a very, very pleasant surprise (edit: it turns out that these two ARE two different performances btw). I had fallen in love for their extraordinary skills in singing, dancing, and engaging with the crowd with so much passion. Imagining that these people (not just the four of them) having to repeat this all year-round 3 times a day with the same practices daily, that took my breath away. This is a next level sort of professional.

The Cruisers made me gain so much respect for performers who work at amusement parks or theme parks such as USS itself. To repeat a task over and over again is already tough, but to repeat it with a smile always on their faces, oh man, that is really what professionals do. I imagine the tired days and just days when you don't want to go out and perform for people, but you have to--it's so hard. But so worth it, for moments like this. When someone appreciates them. (':

I really do think that I made their day as much as they've made mine. This equal sort of giving one another inspiration is such a beautiful thing. When I finally met them in person today, and handed them my artworks, I could just tell by their faces that they were as excited as I was. Nothing beats this feeling--knowing that the appreciation and respect is going both ways, and artists sort of just salute one another, encouraging one another. I know it sounds really bollocks and absolutely prideful to put myself at the same level as them (BECAUSE THEY ARE SUCH AMAZING LOVABLE PEOPLEEEEEEE), but that was something that I truly felt from them. When they looked at my artwork, printed on paper, so thoroughly, the smiles on their faces made me smile because the art I have made is making the smile.

See? It's a cycle.
Inspiration going around in a circle. That's the best.

All in all, today was definitely an unforgettable day. Right now I'm even just watching the other performers who do The Cruisers' performances, and apparently Daddy O's only happen on weekends I think? One day I'll enter USS on a weekend just to watch the performances, I promise!

thank you for being one of my BEST memories made here in Singapore!

p/s: i still can't stop smiling from today!

p/p/s: Izzy and Aaron (the two boys on the left) even invited me out to dance when I went and watch them again after the meet-and-greet and GOSH IT WAS AMAZING.

p/p/p/s: Izzy was just kinda dancing with me gracefully (I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE DOES IT BUT HE DOES WHILE ROCKIN' IT OUT) but Aaron literally just grabbed me and was spinning me with some sort of superhero strength hahaha.

thank you ALL so much.

and by ALL i mean all of the performers at Universal Studios Singapore, along with others in many other amusement parks spread across the world, for bringing smiles to people's faces. 

you are the best.

nine: progress.

it's week 5 this week. that's like 2 weeks away from my recess week and some deadlines to meet then. time passes really fast! it feels like my time here in Singapore is already almost half-gone! goshhhhhh. and i barely did anything yet. i guess i'll have to go spend recess week at Universal Studios all day everyday hahahha.

being in Singapore has been fun. more precisely, being in NUS has been an interesting journey. meeting different new friends and putting myself out there again because there's no comfort zone to retreat to, it's been quite a challenge and it still is a challenge to me. i think the best part of the entire journey right now is actually getting to know my batch of exchange students even more. personally i'm not the kind who likes to get to know a lot of people at a shallow level and then forget their names later (that happens easily), but getting to know people at a different level, to know their stories and experiences, that's the valuable part.

just a short one today i guess. haven't been doing much art but i'm going to challenge myself soon. loads of reading, writing and drawing to do soon! it's even been a while since i actually sat down and wrote in my actual, physical journal. i think i've been straying away from God a bit these days. things in life can get pretty distracting.

be back soon, blog!

meanwhile, have this for Valentine's!

the last day.

i don't mean to sound dramatic, but i'm leaving to Singapore for a student's exchange programme tomorrow, and even though it's a country only about 7 hours away, this is going to be my very first time leaving home for four months straight.

today has been a bit crazy. i finished my final paper this morning at 10.30am, and boy was i relieved. i had to take six papers this semester but it has been quite a fruitful and fulfilling semester. i'm not very sure what i learned in certain subjects but for most, i think i learned quite a lot (albeit not remember all the things i learned).

the excitement was still present in the morning, but as night fell and i came back to pack the rest of my luggage, emotions got the best of me and i got a little frustrated because of my mom. long story short, kids never win arguments with adults--even if they get the chance to, they won't. i won't, at least.

funny how my emotions went all over the place today. from getting excited to being pretty depressed, frustrated and even angry at some points. can't believe i'm spending my last day in Malaysia feeling like this. i won't let it slide though. i should be fine soon.

anyways, here are some songs i've been listening to :

see you soon.

p/s: sorry, i mean to write something better but right now it's just not working for me.

I'm Yours.

today, marks the first time i sing on stage.

always TGIF.

so i thought i'd share some of the videos i saw today that made me smile.

here is Gabe Bondoc, a Youtube singer who has a very, very special place in my heart, singing John Mayer's Stop This Train, which is one of my most favorite songs in my entire lifetime so far.

here is Wong Fu Productions' newest video, Expired!, and believe me, it WILL crack you up. the amount of bromance and drama in this short is fantastic.

last but not least, the most pleasant surprise of the day yet--Jinnyboytv's newest video on Chester See, Jason Chen and David Choi's time in Malaysia for the IM4U event. 

the surprise? 

my artwork is featured at the end of the video!

albeit having to wake up early for a last-minute cancelled class, i think this was exactly what God had in mind for me today. a good, contented day ahead. Big Campus Welcome Party is happening tonight, and although most of the people i invited told me they won't be able to make it, i'm just hoping for the best and praying that God will touch lives. 

have a great Friday and weekends y'all!