how do you reassure your love for someone when you've gotten so used to loving them?

ask yourself this : when was the last time you told/showed your family you loved them?

me? not too long ago, maybe, for my mom. but when you're stuck with limited knowledge and education, and when your son is away in another state for work, and you have been more dependent on your daughter ever since (anyways), apparently that love needs to be refreshed and reassured quite frequently. tonight, i put myself in my mom's shoes. her perspective. to be a mother with two children--one already 25 and working, the other entering her second year of university soon, and to be a woman with a considerably tiny social circle consisting of her clients, siblings and old friends, you truly wonder where, when and how she deals with her emotions and stress. as her daughter who is supposedly the one who stays at home and isn't supposed to be so actively involved in church work as her son is, i know my mom depends quite a lot on me.

it's frightening for her, i think. 

it's frightening that her only source of dependence, maybe, is slowly walking out on her. 

my mom isn't very educated. both my parents did not enter university, even now there are times when i feel embarrassed and frustrated because they can't understand my hopes and dreams. i still hate it when they inject that realist point of view into my future life. to them, financial security is an unchanging thing--something important that will always keep you safe and never betray you. to me and my brother, that important thing is God. Jesus' love. period. 

the reason why i am even writing this is because my mom just told me off (sorta) about how i can visit a church friend who had recently given birth to a newborn baby but i couldn't do the same for her when she was in the hospital for her sinus surgery. i wanted to make up excuses just to speak against her. i really did. but i didn't. because, i knew i could go. i knew that i am a growing child who is slowly losing focus of my priorities. i value my friends in church more sometimes because they feel more like a family to me sometimes, but i forget that it is my parents who actually raised me, fed me, educated me and gave me education--and without all of that, i would not have been where i am right now. i would not be who i am if it weren't for my parents. 

this is a wake-up call. 

we must realize that our parents are people too. our parents are our friends as well. the generation gap only causes certain obstructions in communicating, but there shouldn't be anything else standing in your way between you and your parents. it's so hard for me to be a friend for my parents because honestly, if i don't see them as my parents, i wonder sometimes how is it that i'll be able to love them and vice versa(if the situation was reversed). even when you realize at some point, that you've gotten so different, so distant from your parents, that you just have that gut feeling that you will never share the same views ever again, you must persevere. you must still care for them like you do to your friends. you must. it's a responsibility God has given to you, dear girl/boy. you are the sons and daughters of your parents, and you must honor them. love them always and remind them about that love on a daily basis. 

sit together and talk again.

p/s: here i was, yesterday, saying i don't have content to write about, and God gives it to me straight in my face tonight. thanks, Papa God. initially i wanted to write this in my journal, but i think this deserves to be shared. 

p/p/s: i will start writing letters to my dad soon enough, because i don't know how else to communicate with him.