eleven: how quickly i would fall apart and be put together again.

Valentine's.

that one day, that one night, that people should not be dramatic about.

but we are.

i spent my Valentine's night at church, listening to couples talk about relationships. from finding the right person, courtship, conflict management to even sex, it was a great session listening to their experiences and their viewpoints. so the session ended and i felt alone. i felt like God was around but i was the only one who could see Him. i mean, the people were great, and it's partially my fault because i wasn't even trying to talk to people, and looking at people celebrate Valentine's is... well yeah it hurts, haha. it's not a sharp pain in my chest or anything like that at all, but the fact that i have not been in a relationship, it kinda sucks.

i know this is very much conditioning by our societies, but sometimes you get a little sick and tired of hearing to 'wait for the best person' or 'be patient'. and especially at times like these when a massive group of people celebrate love on the same day, it kind of magnifies what we don't have.

no, i'm not going to run into a guy and ask him to be my boyfriend now, but i'm just saying, it would be nice to be in a legit relationship with someone who likes you back for all the right reasons. it would be very nice indeed.

anyways, i don't want to ruin your holiday with my sulking, so have this video instead.

right now i'm just feeling very panicky about everything.

it's scary, i have to say, to not even know what i want in a guy. i don't have a detailed plan like most girls do. i don't have a checklist. and that's pretty darn scary. 

happy Singles Awareness Day.