fourteen: the house of God.

going to CCF today was actually, i think, the first time in a while that i feel quite welcomed. not just by the spirit of God but also by the people. both were very, very welcoming today so it felt really refreshing. it was exactly what i had asked for. Pastor Martin, at the end of the service, mentioned resting in God, and truly that answered my prayer of desperation last night. i was running low on inspiration and felt quite horrible for not being able to draw for my friend on time for a 30-day challenge, and also i was feeling awful for not missing home. i realized last night that i didn't miss home at all even though my family needed me to help them move, so above all i just felt like an irresponsible daughter, a child who is having too much fun and is growing so selfish, so full of her own human desires that she's happily forgetting her roots.

nevertheless, the altar call today at church was so timely. to be reminded that Jesus knows us all by name, it really hit home. sometimes i felt like a dot in a million other dots, just another girl who is asking too much from God all the time. but today i know i was called to be someone for God, and not just anyone. i know i'm still on a vague path of surrendering my gifts to God, but being reminded that we are in a position where we can give up our gifts for God and even things that we dream of, desire of so deeply, that really struck me and as though His voice was speaking directly at me, it was saying, "I am worth sacrificing for."

i had to understand that.

i had to come to a point where i needed to be honest--dead honest with Jesus, and no longer shove my 'tiny' or 'petty' problems under the rug simply because i think it's not worth God's time. every problem we have is worth His time, believe me. i'm just realizing, at this very moment, that God has been speaking to me through the tiniest notes that i make from Homes and from church. that we should pray for everything and anything. that we should, and we can declare His name on anything, even for problems we take for granted.

today more people came to talk to me as well (: which was a pleasant surprise. i got to make some new friends, and friends i've already met before actually came to say hi to me, which was very heartwarming. going to dinner with the bunch was a nice experience. i hardly spoke, but i didn't feel trapped or cornered or even alienated. i was part of the group, and i think i just took more interest in looking at people and hearing their conversations. good food with good company. i know at some points it felt like i couldn't fit in either, but that happens even back at home so it's normal for me ahaha. i'm actually quite surprised at myself that i didn't feel even more upset or disappointed, really. maturity level up? perhaps.

all and all, it was more than i could ask for today.

thanks, God.

thanks for e-ve-ry-thing.

You're the best, and You always will be.