OCD.

as an artist-in-learning (let's face it, i will forever be one), i've come to terms with chaos. disorder. unorganized things. once upon a time i had a real issue with keeping everything in order, under control, in place. i needed to feel like i'm in control. everything needs to be where it has to be. it HAS to be. but now, i've learned to let a little mess in. sometimes, even, let a lot of mess in. in terms of physical objects, or even mental states. i understand now that i don't have to be in control all the time, and if anything, God should be the one in control anyways. not me. 

so what was once considered OCD to me does not bother me as much anymore. yes, i still have the tendency to rearrange books in bookstores and make sure that place mats are parallel to the edge of the table, but it doesn't irk me very much if i just left it as it was. there is beauty in an unorganized mess of a hamster cage. there is beauty in a sort of chaos, where things are where they are, where you left them, where memories don't ever fade because they've never been rearranged. it's really hard to explain, but finally being okay with some form of clutter or disorganization is like gaining a new perspective on the world.

i'm glad i dropped the care a little bit on how things are.

it makes me see more than just the need to constantly wanting to keeping things in place.