and when i'm gone, you don't notice.
you don't realize at the very first moment.
you think, oh, she'll come back. she always does.
but it never happens.
little did you realize that somehow, i have taken over the tiniest parts of your body and mind. i know all the nooks and crannies. i know all the hollow spaces. i am familiar with all your voids, because i have been to the darkest places of your heart. and it was there that i had lingered. it was there that i stayed, so that i can feel your pain, your sorrows, and all of your unhappiness.
so when i leave, i leave without a trace.
i'm not trying to sound important and noble, but i'd like to think that i venture into spaces where people don't always want to go to. and i choose to stay, in spite of the dim lights or recurring power outages within your soul. i don't mean to sound like i'm the kindest person in the world, but i'd like to think that i'm just designed to fit into the tiny little spaces no one looks at. not all the time.
so when i'm gone, it lingers.
it's not a sharp pain in your ribs. it's an ache that doesn't go away for months.
i imagine myself to be one of those people who are not dearly missed immediately when i'm gone. because when i do vanish, when i do disappear, when i do take leave from your life, my absence becomes a small puncture in your life. you don't really see it, but you can certainly feel it. as time passes, the puncture, like weight carried over time, feels bigger. but it has not changed one bit.
i'd like to think that's what my absence may feel like to others.
or maybe it doesn't.
2 comments:
This is beautiful <3
I don't think I can say I know you 100%-inside-out-well (yet), but one thing I've always admired in you (that I've seen in your writings and through our conversations) is your willingness to understand and accept other people's flaws. You know that people have parts and moments that are weak or ugly or shameful or hidden and you don't just acknowledge that, you embrace it. A few dark spots don't cancel out the rest of the brightness. I wish I had that - weakness or fear or flaws in others tends to make me uncomfortable and afraid because they remind me too much of how I myself am nowhere near perfect.
But what you have there? Don't lose it. It's incredible, honestly, how you can take good/bad and light/dark and understand humanity in all its glory and grossness and still have such a positive outlook on life and the world.
I beg to differ. You'll always have a place in people's heart, some in a more special way than others. Keep cool, keep calm, and just act as you have always been, because that's when you're at your best ;)
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