Awake.

after a night of fun and games with the choir team during practice, i'm still not okay. still not feeling okay, still feeling like a blade had cut through my chest. i need a break. the church wasn't joking when they said the entire church is going through some sort of trouble one way or another. the entire church is being tested, and here is my test. here is my test where i cannot give my answer, here is my test where even if i give my answer it will not be accepted. starting to doubt God's plans? well here's about the right time. but doubting does nothing. doubting only leaves you in a mess of questions. believing and trusting is gonna hurt a lot more, yet it's the only real thing i can do now. it's the only hope i have left.

i don't feel like going to class, i don't feel like doing my work, i don't feel like anything at all. 

this isn't a dream anymore. you are not asleep. you are wide awake. 

you're real, and everything else is real, and there's nothing you can do to stop reality from happening.