Home.

it's strange how when i am home that i feel most emotionally vulnerable. isn't home supposed to be a shelter, somewhere you can tuck yourself in at night happily and dream beautifully? home has so much less distractions, i suppose, that i am always forced to face myself, face my family. home is where raw emotions abide, where problems are thought of but not always solved. home is where i hide, from home itself. 

well, don't look at it so negatively. home is also where i get better food, obviously. but all of that, are physical. the emotional, mental stuff--most of the times i only half-like being at home. being on campus, being able to take the bus everyday or walk to my faculty, is a form of freedom. coming home is coming back to a cage. let's put it this way : when i'm on campus i'm in the wild. i roam free but i have to scavenge for my own food. at home, i am a domestic animal: well-kept and well-fed. most times i like to be wild and free. no surprise there. at this point of my life, being well-kept and well-fed is probably one of the last things on my to-do list. 

it's good to be home, but i get lost very easily. on campus i'm forced to not sleep as much, to deal with activities and people around me quite constantly. at home i hide from it all. i don't even go out much because i can't. at home i find myself stuck. trapped. emotionally and physically. i get to watch movies all day long but i get inspired less. i don't know exactly how or why, but it just is. it just is. i feel a lot lonelier at home. loneliness is digesting me very slowly. 

that's that. home is home, and i hope home is a beautiful place to you.

mid-semester break's ending real soon--and i've done pretty much nothing. again.

time to spring back to reality.