hello. it's the second last day of 2012, and i honestly do not remember how good of a year this was. aside from the best thing that ever happened in my life this year (accepting Christ in March), the rest is pretty much a blur. growing in church was quite a confusing path, being constantly led by amazing leaders whom i obviously cannot compare to, and to be always surrounded by people ever Sunday became a brand new experience i almost detested immediately. i have said this too many times: i did not like people in general. i am an introvert and i am the sort of introvert who only talks to someone when i think they're interesting to talk to or when there's something interesting to talk about.
after Campus Camp 2012, i went through a few more large events with the church: Bloom, He:Arts Festival, Easter service, Acts' 12th Anniversary, RE:Union and so forth. i was pretty much happy being a lone ranger, going around knowing friends' friends and my brother's friends, not really making much on my own. loneliness came and went as it pleased, and so did fear. fear was probably my main problem of 2012, because after accepting Christ, i found it a difficult task to be courageous again, to be honest with who i am and to be fearless with what i want to do. it was hard for me to approach people. i was shy, i was afraid of being embarrassed by myself. i didn't love who i was.
2012 was a year of expanding my tiny social circle. church and campus life opened my eyes to so many different lives, different jobs, different interests, different talents. the final months of 2012 was what led me to know for sure, that 2013 was not only going to be stressful, but also filled with many, many good works. today's service reminded me of how desperate i really wanted to serve God all this while; i was only afraid to step up. afraid of saying the wrong things, afraid of becoming a burden, afraid of rejection, disappointment, anger, resentment--essentially all the unfortunate events you can name. today's service was a wake-up call.
no more fear in 2013, that's what.
2013 is the year i'm not going to let fear take control. 2013 is when i will change, into someone i've always wanted to be. i will be that person and change people's lives like how my friends did to mine. i will stop being passive, and i will take the initiative. i will stop being oblivious, i will stop being so spaced out all the time--i will pay attention to every detail if it makes my eyes bleed. i will try and try and try and try, and i will not let myself stop trying. i will be that person who is always the first to volunteer to do something. i will be that person.
goodbye, 2012.
goodbye, older self. you should've been transformed this year, but no, no more meddling about, no more hesitation and doubt, just trust, faith, and a leap.
hello, 2013.
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