if not now, then when?

it’s 1:28AM right now. i am physically tired, but i just felt so urged by the Holy Spirit to write down my thoughts before i actually forget them.

checking on the updates from my social media platforms (from Facebook to Twitter to Instagram), i notice that joining a Dream Team and serving at church is not an obligation, an impulsive action or even driven by a pure naivety. at the beginning, i thought it was impulse. i thought it was the right thing to do, because i was so hungry to serve God and do more things for Him. so i joined in on things. i try to learn.

joining Lightbulb was probably the silliest thing to do. that was definitely impulse. i joined Lightbulb with an attitude not to serve God, but to learn how to dance. obviously it doesn’t turn out to be as easy as i thought(what does, really?), but throughout the process which is even going on right now, i learn. i learn that dance is not a series of movements, and truly acknowledge its ability to express. i learn about leaders and people who come straight after work just to learn dance. i learn that i’m a whiner. i learn that i’m no dancer. i learn of the weariness on everyone’s faces after two hours of practice, and we’re all still willing to get back into positions when the music plays. through events or happenings which takes place during the process of practices, i learn to want to pray even more specifically. i learn that i am growing, albeit slowly, but still growing. Lightbulb has the most amazing leaders and people to learn from, and i cannot ever stop learning from these wonderful and awesome children of God. i am completely blessed to even be in a performance.

joining the Acts PJ Host team is also a surprise to me. i think i just got greedy and wanted to be more known. although most of all, i wanted to know more people in church and actually recognize these people who come to church. the Hosts team are the people whom church-goers first meet and see the last. we are the ones who greet them with a smile, and it’s a strangely wonderful thing because when i see someone heading my direction when i am in the all-black Host team uniform, it is entirely effortless for me to curve my lips upwards and shake their hands. it comes so naturally.

the Angsana community service brightens up my Saturdays. even though it’s a drag to wake up early even on Saturdays, when i see the kids at Angsana, i am instantaneously reminded of pure happiness. teaching the children English proves to be a chore, yet when i finally manage to make them understand and comprehend something, i feel that satisfaction in my belly and the looks on their faces are priceless.

now, i am offered to be part of Heidy’s Refuge For The Refugees core team,  and my friend still encourages me to join the Acts Design team.

God’s blessings are just pouring in, and the fact that He is offering me so much is just amazing. as much as i hate not having enough time to sleep, i know, doing all of this is to please Him and spread word about His love for the world, and if i could do this, it brings me joy as well.

this has been a boring post about my journey with Christ so far. this is written mostly just to be kept as a record.

i pray that i will be able to grow into a selfless, strong, honest, down-to-earth, caring leader.

someday.