goodbye, Sunday night panics.

hello.

we're at the end of October, at the final couple of months of 2013.
(no i'm not going to start a post about how the year has been, December can wait)

i think, my Sunday night panics should go away.

i've always had Sunday night panics here and there. when i come back from all the church activities and lie down on my bed to rest and realize : oh, i still have that truckload of things that i haven't done that i need to do. and then my body and mind falls into a sort of panic that i have absolutely no control over, and i just kinda freak out for a few hours until it gets better.

i think i should say goodbye to these Sunday night panics.

these panics sets me back. i panic and i feel guilty whatever it is that i do. i have the urge to draw and i can't because it's not 'useful' to my studies and whatever else it is that i need to do. i'm not saying these needs can wait, i'm saying i just shouldn't let myself panic anymore. or guilt trip myself. obviously i have a lot of work to do, and obviously i still treasure my social life as much, so what? make time. make time, xin wei. i just don't want this panic to get in my way and waste my time anymore. anything i do doesn't waste my time, and i need to understand that. panicking doesn't waste my time, but i sure can do something more than just panic on a Sunday night.

full-day Monday classes obviously do not help.

but goodbye. adieu, Sunday night panics. i'll go back to drawing and writing and thinking but no more panicking. i'll go back to board games and scaring myself and laughing till i pee a little, but no more drowning in anxiety. i'll go back to my friends, my family, my God. and no more you, Panic.

so goodbye, because there's so much more to do than panic.