six months later.

the curse of an exchange student (or anyone who has stayed in a different city/state/country for longer than 3 months, then returned to their home) is this: you are haunted by faces and voices.

everywhere you go, no matter where it is, you see faces and you hear voices that you think you know. this happens initially when you leave home and enter this new environment for the very first time. the faces you see and the voices you hear are those from home. friends and family. you think you see them, but really they're not with you.

and once you begin to fit into this environment, no longer feeling like a foreigner, you fall in love with everything. from the new friends you meet to the local food to enjoying life like a local instead of some fancy expat, you fall head over heels for everything that is the embodiment of the country. you want to bring it home.

home. when it's about time you're to leave for home again, you don't panic. one by one your friends leave and return to their respective homes, but you're not sad. you're just here, dealing with a bit of loneliness and quietness. it's not that bad, you think to yourself. and it really isn't.

here comes the time when you actually take a plane, or a train, or a bus home. and then you notice something is different. you are truly alone again. you are not your own. you left some parts of you back with your friends, and so did they to you. now that you've melded together, you cannot be separated. you've crossed paths with these once-strangers, once-acquaintances, once-friends and now-family. it feels a little bit empty, hollow, void.

so it begins again, like a vicious cycle. except it doesn't really go away. now and again you think you recognize a face on the street, thinking it's your friend, but you know better that they're miles and miles away. sometimes a voice behind you sounds extremely, painfully familiar that it makes you turn around with a great smile, only to realize it's not who you had expected. and it lingers. it never really fades. you'll live with it.

somehow.