i just finished one of the most stressful assignments to date (because i knew next to nothing about it), i have four pretty difficult papers to actually study for this semester, because they're all conveniently full of technical terms (the first paper being on New Year's Eve), i'm helping to produce an upcoming music video for church in January, directing 2016's PKVUM's Easter production and handling all the creative side of the committee within the whole of 2nd semester, stressing out about doing part-time illustrations for Idea Ink because i haven't done any in a couple of weeks now, and to top it all off, hormones are messing with everything that i'm feeling.
but amidst the chaos, just like every other time, i heard a voice.
Tigger here is just assisting me to hold the paper.
more often than not, when my mind sinks into a spiraling mess of an opaque abyss, my body goes into Panic Mode. Panic Mode is when i simply panic, and be highly anxious about everything, but i don't actually do anything about it. it's quite a toxic process because i end up procrastinating and feeling bad about procrastinating, hence sinking deeper into the said opaque abyss. however, like many of my other negative traits, it has progressed over the years, and it's not as bad today as it was three years back, though sometimes i do still find myself in rather rough situations.
tonight is one of those times. a few days back i posted a status on Facebook asking genuinely if anyone is actually sick of receiving my art as gifts, because the value of art is so subjective it can just torment the artist from inside out like this, and giving away one tiny part of your soul is never very fun when you suddenly realize the possibility of the receiver hating whatever that you've made for them, or worse, simply feeling indifferent about your work. tonight, as i finished that assignment, the stress didn't go away. the pile of projects--personal and professional--all came to haunt me simultaneously, begging me to somehow deal with them with equal parts of attention, which was massive to me.
i showered, came back into my room, wrote the note down, and began to write here.
you, my friend, as much as i do, need to hear this:
it's okay to be not okay.
we take for granted the cliches that come by our lives sometimes, that we forget how true they can be. it's okay to slip up, to procrastinate, to make mistakes, to not complete your tasks on time. it's okay. it's permissible, but it doesn't mean you should do it on purpose. i'm just saying that we're all human and we're not Santa's perfect little elves, designed to make perfect little toys in a perfect little world. we're far from it. living in a day and age of buzzing technology where we are demanded of our attention every single second of our lives, we almost always forget to look up at the sky, and enjoy letting our imagination going wild, thinking of a floating castle or making up silly things from the shape of the clouds.
so here's the deal: whenever you feel like you're panicking (and i'm speaking to myself too), stay calm, don't overthink, and do something creative.
now when i say do something creative, it doesn't always have to involve making things. it's absolutely great if you can make things--visual art, sculptures, ballads, jazz steps, documentaries, poems, anything! this is being actively creative. and i honestly believe everyone can do it. no, not everyone can be an artist of sorts, because that requires a very specific passion and direction, but everyone is definitely able to be creative!
however, if you feel uncomfortable being actively creative, why don't you start with being passively creative then? all you need to do is pick up any form of resources, and you simply be the audience. it's as simple as going to the museum, watching a movie, catching a play, reading a book--anything that will let your mind wander. even the simplest act of stopping whatever you're doing, catching your breath, and observing your surroundings for a good 5 minutes, is being passively creative. you're letting your mind take a break from doing clockwork routines, so that it can stretch and have some fun imagining about endless possibilities.
the most important thing to note?
don't be afraid of mistakes.
make them. make lots of mistakes. that's how we learn. that's how we get somewhere. that's how courage shows. oh yes, you've got courage in your heart alright. you just haven't seen yourself unleash it.
merry Christmas, you.
(thank you for reading my mega-long post. this happens sometimes.)
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