introvert things // how to build new friendships

as an introverted person myself, making new friends has always been a conscious effort. only on very rare occasions that i find myself effortlessly getting to know someone, without having to constantly ask them questions to keep the conversation going. which isn't a bad thing, it's just a thing. here's a list of stuff i've observed in my recent years of getting slightly better at talking to new friends, and who knows, maybe it'll help a fellow introvert like you too.

general ground rules:

1. don't be afraid. just be brave and say hello with a cheery smile!
2. don't ever verbally acknowledge how awkward a conversation can seem. it only makes everything feels two hundred percent more awkward.
3. be yourself, but don't go overboard. (there's a fine balance in everything, and this one is particularly crucial in meeting new people. people generally like honesty, but the thing about people is that they cannot take large doses of stuff at once, honesty included. so take it easy and just be like a milder version of yourself, at least until you get to know them better)
4. give a good and firm handshake. 
5. eye contact is important. or at least, pretend that you're doing it--look at their nose or between their brows. (i've checked with friends, it still feels like you're looking at them)

Situation #1: you're at an event alone, and you know absolutely nobody.

Solution: talk to small groups of people or someone who is on their own as well. 

i've found this to be quite effective. it was my first time at Ted x Youth KL, and i was there to support a friend who happened to be the first speaker/opening act for the entire conference, so obviously he had to be backstage and he was even sitting in an entirely different section altogether, and i was on my own. i managed to talk to a group of friends, but i found it hard to break into their group. this is true in most situations: friends who come in groups are much harder to be befriended than those who are alone, or in pairs, even. this is because they're already comfortable in their usual group of friends, and they do not want to break out of that. smaller groups of friends or those who are alone are more accepting of meeting strangers than big groups, and you get much more quality conversations anyways.

then i left the bigger group of people to talk to this one girl who was just standing and waiting in line, just like everyone else. i managed to be with her the entire day and we shared lots of meaningful conversations, about her future plans for studies, about traveling and backpacking, and so much more! 

but wait, how do i even talk to strangers? you make it sound so easy!

ah, here's a tip that i learned from my friend: ask questions.

and not just any questions. be as specific as possible, and ask them questions about their lives: what they do, where they live, what they love to eat, what kind of music they're into, who is their inspiration, how their childhood was etcetera. you may not want to start with too personal topics like "so how are your parents like?" or "what are your thoughts on politics?", but you can definitely start with asking what they do for a living, what they're studying, where they're from, and just branch out from there. here's an example conversation:

you: "hi! my name is _______, and you are?"

friend: "oh, i'm _______!"

you: "(optional comment on the name) so, where are you from?"

friend: "ah, i'm from __________"

you: "hey, isn't that place famous for its food/games/traditions etc? must've been really cool growing up there. how was your childhood like in general?"

friend: "yeah! *starts telling story about their childhood*"

hypothetical conclusion: people like to tell their own stories. give them the opportunity to do so.

Situation #2: meeting your friend's friend.

Solution: attempt to find a common interest.

now, because this new friend you're meeting is already friends with at least one other person in the conversation, the easiest way to engage in a conversation (other than asking questions) is to find your common interests. sometimes i do this when i introduce my friends who don't know each other, and i reveal a little bit of their interests to each other so that they can communicate less awkwardly. you can go straight into asking cheesy but effective questions like "so what do you do in your free time?" or "what are you passionate about?". things like that. if you manage to find this common interest, no matter how slight of an interest you may share with this new friend, you'll be able to carry a conversation well. (you can do it! *throws confetti*)

Situation #3: getting to know a new-old friend.

Solution: be thick-skinned and ask all the questions!

you know that one friend you have, whom you've kinda seen hanging around, you've said hi to them before, and you definitely know each other, but you've always hung out in different groups, so there was always just minimal interaction. today, though, today you're sitting with this friend, and you have to talk to them and acknowledge this awkward new-oldness of your friendship. don't be afraid, just go ahead and ask all the questions you've always wondered about. look silly for a good 5 minutes and voila, you now know this person a bit better! relationships are like that. you just need to be really thick-skinned and get over the embarrassing moments, and then you'll reach a really beautiful place with your friend, where you're both ready to get to know each other at a much deeper level.

that's pretty much all i have. i hope you find this useful! :D

disclaimer: photos are all from various sources--not mine!