challenge me.

welp.

went for my first ever Huddle meeting last night(which is also my first ever leaders meeting of any sorts, really) at Rachel and Albert's place. survived the two-hour long journey(much thanks to traffic) and reached their place on time, thank God! was nice to see familiar faces and a couple of unfamiliar ones, got briefed on the message from Elder Daniel and Elder Adeline, and was pretty... overwhelmed?

mostly i'm just still in a state of confusion and sorting things out and wondering why and how i got here and what i'm gonna do about it and what decisions i have to make. it's strange to still stick out like a sore thumb and not want to join in with the girls on the girlie stuff they talk about, and wanting to rush over to the guys' side, but hey, God made me this way for a damn good reason--i'm not sure what, but i'm sure it's an awesome reason.

being 'promoted' (i look at it that way, bear with me and my thoughts, i promised to be more honest from now on) to a potential leader in church makes me feel nervous. talks about being reputable and accountable and being the walking-advertisement for Acts Church sometimes makes me want to hurl. it sounds like a ginormous responsibility, and it's not that i don't want to take it on, i'm just nervous if i can do it well. i still feel like such a baby in Bible knowledge, and really, without that, what good of a Christian am i? (well, the Word is the basic knowledge of all Christians and i hardly even know where's where and what's what.) i want to let people know of Acts, though. it's a great church. it's the very sole reason why i'm who i am now, doing what i do now.

i think it's great that i'm being pushed by God to step up and be something more, because i've always been thinking and talking about being more courageous and confident in what i do, and Albert actually mentioned these two words last night at Huddle meeting in one of the points shared. it's a challenge, for someone like me, who does not particularly love big crowds and meet new people and talk to them with a big smile on my face. i am choosy with my friends. it's a terrible habit. i have some friends whom i initially did not like but got to know them better afterward and then we became better friends, but that was mainly because they approached me more than i did the otherwise. 

yeah, this is a challenge. i still remember Albert's words on how he himself didn't like to mingle with people back then, but slowly he had these responsibilities, this urge to tell people about Jesus and even Acts Church, so he began to reach out to people. i don't know how i'm going to do it, but i am. 

p/s: it's still a little bit stressful to look at people talk so freely about what they're truly passionate about, about God and how much difference He's made, while i keep quiet because it's difficult for me to string words together in a short amount of time. (which is why i prefer writing, or drawing.)

p/p/s: but i'm not too worried about that for now. i think i have my own way of approaching people. it's not as quick, but i'll make it. (: