this is how i looked like with long hair.
and this is now.
i have showed my older photos (when i had long hair) to my friends and they would always burst out enthusiastically asking me with flailing arms or incomprehensible facial expressions : "WHY DID YOU CUT IT OFF?!" well. usually. there are calmer versions of that question as well. often i would answer with a sort of 'meh' answer. like 'i just wanted to cut it off for a very long time now, but i was worried it would look ugly in school 'cause i would have to pin my fringe up' blahblahblahblahblah.
today, i will tell you the truth.
the truth behind this haircut.
(don't get your hopes up too high, there's no sad sobstory behind it or anything dramatic.)
i cut it for one sole reason : to prove that someone would fall in love with me because they liked me. they loved me. not my hair. or my looks. i wanted to make sure that they didn't have that option to say : "i loved her at first sight because her hair was so beautiful". i wanted to challenge that notion, the norm. i hated guys who included in their preference "i like girls with long hair". reasons being having long hair is the 'girl thing to do', having long hair makes one look more feminine, etc. i wanted to prove that by looking masculine, i could be loved too.
in the end--all i really wanted is to prove to my sad self that i was worthy of someone's love.
one and a half year later, i'm still single. the 'experiment' is still going on.
i'm starting to lose hope, but i'm also very aware that things like this always, always takes time.
so yes.
here is the truth.
p/s: although i have come to love the haircut despite still having friends telling me i look better in long hair.
5 comments:
Okay story time. Up till I was 18 or 19 years old, I had short hair my entire life. Like legit SHORT, short, boy short hair. And that, coupled with my size + tone of my voice has resulted in years and years and years and years of me being mistaken for a boy, or worse, getting comments from complete and total strangers ("eh ini perempuan ke lelaki ni?" or "But how come it has boobs also?".) So I decided to grow my hair out in order to fit a more feminine image. And it has worked, for the most part.
And the feminist side of me wishes I could just be like, oh screw gender norms, who cares what length anyone's hair is. But then I am afraid too. I'm afraid if I cut my hair off again, I'll go back to that phase of life where people - be they strangers on the street/in school or family members - think it's entirely their business to walk up to me and ask exactly WHAT I am ("Eh perempuan ke laki, ni?"). And that's a place that's still too raw to revisit for me right now. I can only hope I have the courage to do it someday.
But you? YOU GO YOU. And you know what, for the record, you look great with that long hair. And you look just as great with the hair you have now (I don't know if it's because I've just always seen you this way, but something about your current hairdo just..suits you more. It's a little kooky and a little off-kilter and a little weird and super individualistic. Just like the person wearing it).
why does this feel like im reading it off my own blog! lols.
those exact thoughts went through my head when I decided to go bald.
and guess what....i met a guy who loved my short hair and six years on, still tells me I look great on bad hair days. :D
and hey....you look amazing with the current hairstyle.
Your hair now, I love it. Trust me, if I ever asked that "WHY YOU CUT IT" question, it's not because I think you looked better before. I love the way you are, I love how brave you are to do whatever you want with your hair. This is you, and I love it to bits! (:
YOU GUISE. this wasn't meant to be a pity post or whatever, just had to clarify things. but you guise are awesome people yourself. AGHHHHH
Ooh, hair stories time? Okay.
So, I was 16 when I decided to cut my hair short - a bob cut. Because I was going through a rough patch (wondering about my life and God and everything, etc) and cutting my hair is a form of relief from the stress I had. It feels like a burden is off of my shoulder whenever I cut my hair. So, that day, I was feeling pretty sucky. And I decided, "okay, I'm going to cut super short because I am feeling like crap". I looked pretty good with a bob cut, actually. But I am not a person who is good at hair products or hair machines that make your hair curly or straight. So, it ended up being like Alice's from Twilight at the end of that day.
The next day, I went to school. And people were like WTF DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR OMG YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT. And that is when I knew I had friends who are not worth my time hahaha. So, just to spite people by just looking at my face, I chose to not do anything to my hair. No hair products, no attempts to straighten my hair to tame it into a bob cut. I just went with the Alice hair.
So, what I learned from this experience is do whatever you want with your hair. It's your body, your life. I still do crappy mistakes by cutting my own fringe because I am too stingy to get a professional but I never really regret it...until Chris begs me to get help haha.
Also, you look better with this hairdo. Your face features are very sharp and angular so, short hair like yours will dull the edges. But who am I to say lawl. I am a person who can accidentally cut an extra chunk of hair while cutting my fringe.
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