want.

humans are creatures of desire. we're always wanting the next thing. always hungry, always thirsty, always wanting. it's almost as if black holes were discovered just so we can have the perfect metaphor to describe our endless desires. money. love. fame. power. comfort. security. success. lust. health. the vast expanse of languages made it impossible to list down every single word that may be the end goal of our desires in a short paragraph.

the world is your oyster, they said.

nothing is impossible, they said.

the world just keeps on egging you on, fueling you with countless desires you never even thought you had. from since when you lost your mother and all you ever wanted was security in a woman's arms, to that one time you've come to forgotten when someone told you you were ugly and since then, your soul has been searching for the perfect definition of beauty. or even that time last week when you ordered coffee for the millionth time in your life, suddenly realizing that you don't even like coffee to begin with. your desires turn and change like waves of the ocean, timelessly and ruthlessly, never warning you before it sets itself ablaze or disappears forever.

i want him to make the first move, you thought.

i want to be better, you thought.

i want her, you thought.

i want.

i.

it's tiring, being selfless. do you even understand what being selfless means? it defeats almost the entire purpose of your life. it's living your life for the benefit of others, putting someone else's priority before yours all the time and forgetting that you're human. that's one extremity, at least. we're always taught to be less selfish and to be more selfless, to give more, to do more, but when we do all of that, we find ourselves exhausted, gasping for air, dying. you're crushed. smashed.

times when you just don't want to get up and look the sun in the eye. times when you want to bury yourself with your hands, cover yourself with dirt. times when you take a step and you're back at where you started. times when all things seem so wrong and so broken, you just want everything to stay broken.

it's tiring.

but you still need to get up someday, and kick the world in its face again.
you still need to do it.