you're either in a crisis, heading into a crisis, or coming out of one.
it's only truer than it seems to be. our lives are made up of crises. without these catastrophes, we don't learn. we don't grow. we don't push our limits as God push our buttons. He makes us depend on Him, pushing us out of our own stubbornness, trying to rely on our own strength and abilities. He allows us to be in valleys so we finally realize how awesome a God we have, and then call out to Him for help. His help comes immediately.
God has a strange way of working things out.
but i'm not coming out of a crisis(even though it may sound like i am).
i'm amidst my crisis now, struggling, trying not to drown. trying hard to swim against the current, to stay afloat, to breathe. nothing much has been going right: not my search for an internship, not my performance in school, not my emotional state, not my relationship with friends, not my family's health and financial situation--no. nothing has gone down in flames yet, but everything has been rocky terrain. there hasn't been any fruit, and it's only been disappointment after disappointment.
i'm not going to lie--it's hard.
it's hard when people ask you how are things going, then you tell them, and they can't seem to understand even when they try to. it's hard when it seems like things could be much worse, but you're not feeling any better about it anyways. it's hard when you pray and ask others to pray but nothing has happened just yet. only bad news upon bad news, and some mildly good news.
it's hard, but i'm not going to give up.
there's a difference between surrendering it to God and giving up.
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| typography does not belong to me. |
2 comments:
I call this feeling 'caught out at sea'. Where we're just treading water and trying to keep afloat. But sometimes amidst all the trashing and weariness we forget that if we'd just be still and lay back a little, we might just float. I'm glad you still have that "i'll weather on" attitude. Keep your head up cause there's still a tomorrow - a new day, with new hope and the same awesome God.
*hugs* I've been here, several times. Or maybe it's just one long "valley" as you call it. It's hard to explain it to people and it's hard for people to understand, and sometimes you feel like you should be grateful that things aren't worse than they are.
You don't have to be grateful for that - your pain is your pain, your crisis is your crisis. Yes, someone else out there might be having it worse, but that doesn't negate or neutralize how YOU feel and what YOU'RE going through.
I'm glad you're still keeping some degree of positivity and fight in you. Hang in there <3 Always here to talk if you feel like it would help. This won't be the first or last crisis you'll ever face in life, but at least when the next one comes you'll have some idea of how to weather through it.
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